What are some things we might expect to see from youth from hard places?
Dramatic changes in trust, self-esteem, and self-efficacy
Children from hard places often have grown up surrounded by people or things that have broken their trust time and time again. They have learned through their experiences that the only people that they can trust to keep them alive are themselves. So when these children come into a foster home with unfamiliar well.. everything, they have no reason to trust their surroundings. Why should they? Their self-esteem and self-efficacy may also be significantly altered from that of a child who grew up in a healthy, emotionally supportive environment. If you as an adult are told over and over that you are something you are not, you may eventually start to believe it- now imagine that in the mind of a child.
Confused thoughts and emotions about family and loss
Many people assume that children from hard places will be so grateful to come into foster care after the things that they likely experienced. However, that is often not the case. Regardless of their negative experiences, they are still losing parts of their family for a period of time, if not permanently. Children may have conflicted feelings, being grateful to be safe and in a secure environment, but also deeply grieving the loss of their biological family members and home. They may miss the smells, the noise, the food, the neighbors, and may be feeling very confused coming into care. This confusion could come out in many ways as well, including appearing outwardly angry.
Maladaptive survival strategies and skills
The youth who come from hard places have survived incredibly harsh circumstances and with that, they have had to figure out how to survive. To do this, they likely had to do things that may be viewed as maladaptive to you or I, but nevertheless kept them alive. Some of these maladaptive strategies may include, but are absolutely not limited to, the following:
Non-compliance or not following directions: They may have never had rules or structure that helped to keep them safe, so having that may be very frightening to them. They may have never relied on an adult to keep them safe so if they do not trust you to do so, they may not feel safe following your instructions.
Manipulation: This is a skill that they may have needed to use to get fed, to get money to buy food, to get access to things to keep them safe and alive.
Hoarding: We see this commonly with food in youth from hard places. Children will often store food in their rooms, hiding it under their bed or in drawers, in fear that one day they will run out of food, or their safe adult will stop providing them with food.
Dramatic changes to sensory processing abilities, brain chemistry, insulin levels, and brain development
Children from trauma may have significant struggles with their sensory processing skills. They may have trouble with certain textures (tactile and oral), they may become dysregulated with certain noises or light stimulation, etcetera. Their insulin levels are much more sensitive, creating a need for food and water more frequently than a child who has not experienced trauma. TBRI tells us that children from hard places should have a protein-dense snack and water every two hours. They also may have some emotional or cognitive delays due to trauma. Research shows that children from trauma often have the emotional regulation capacity of a child half their age.