Myth Busting Adoption
November is National Adoption Month, a time to bring awareness and advocacy around the topic of adoption with a special focus on children in the child welfare system. In honor of spreading awareness, we are sharing some common adoption myths - and busting them!
Myth #1: If I foster or adopt a young child, they won't have as much trauma.
Many people prefer to foster or adopt young children because they believe that the younger a child is placed, the less trauma they will experience.
This is a myth.
The truth is that ALL separation of a child from their family (whether at birth, as a toddler, a preschooler, school age, or teen) is trauma.
In addition, many children in foster care experience more trauma before birth than some people may experience in a lifetime:
Malnutrition.
Toxic stress.
Domestic violence.
Exposure to drugs and/or alcohol.
Lack of prenatal care.
Genetics/epigenetics.
All of these factors compound the trauma of being removed from the only family they have ever known.
This is why at The Salvation Army Children's Services, we are passionate about equipping ALL of our foster and adoptive parents with robust trauma-informed training to equip them to meet the complex needs of the children in their care. We believe that children of all ages are precious, strong, capable of healing, and worthy of love!
Myth #2: All you need is love.
It's tempting to believe that if you just love a child enough, you can erase all of the hurts in their past.
But love is not enough!
We need to love our kids fiercely, AND equip ourselves with trauma-informed training that will help us to effectively meet their needs and facilitate true healing and wellness.
Check out our upcoming training opportunities for foster and adoptive parents.
Myth #3: Foster care is too hard - adoption will be the easier path.
This is something we hear all the time from prospective foster/adoptive parents:
"I could never foster..."
"I am not emotionally strong enough to foster..."
"I have already been through grief and loss in my life, so I can't handle foster care..."
And on the surface, it does make sense. After all, foster care has accurately been compared to riding a roller coaster:
- Lots of uncertainty
- Little control over the situation
- Never knowing what's ahead
- So many twists and turns
It could be so tempting to think that adoption is the "easier path." Many people are drawn to adoption because they want to avoid riding that roller coaster and skip right to the "happily ever after."
But what those people don't realize, is that if foster care is like riding a roller coaster, adoption is like running a marathon:
- A lifelong commitment
- Taking things one step at a time
- Pushing through even when you feel like you have nothing left to give
- Wondering if you'll make it to the finish line
- People on the sidelines cheering you on, but not understanding what it is really like to be in your shoes
The truth is that when it comes to caring for kids - especially kids from hard places - there is no "easy" path. But we believe that both paths are incredibly worthwhile, and we celebrate the brave parents who choose to ride the roller coaster or run the marathon for the sake of helping children heal and grow.
Myth #4: Adoption is too expensive.
This is one of the top myths about adoption!
The fear of not being able to afford adoption could be holding amazingly qualified families back from pursuing adoption through foster care - this is a big problem because there is an incredible need for more families to step forward.
While the average cost of a private infant adoption in the US is approximately $20,000-$50,000, adoption from foster care is almost completely FREE. In addition, many children adopted through the child welfare system are eligible for financial subsidies and medical insurance that follows them until they are 18. And in some cases, older youth can receive funding for post-secondary education as well. You can learn more about adopting through the child welfare system here.
Myth #5: You have to be _________ to adopt.
Myth: You have to be _______ to adopt.
People fill in that blank with all kinds of qualifications:
- Rich
- Married
- Young
- An experienced parent
- A Homeowner
Fact: ALL kinds of people can make amazing adoptive parents for all kinds of kids!
This includes:
- Single people
- Unmarried couples
- Retirees
- LGBTQ+ individuals and couples
- People who have never parented before
- People whose kids are already grown
- Renters and apartment dwellers
There are a few basic requirements that must be met to qualify as an adoptive parent. These include:
- Over 21 years old
- Financially stable (able to support yourself in your current living situation - no minimum income limit)
- Have safe clearances
- Have time, love, and space to welcome a child
If you know somebody who meets those requirements, we would love to talk to them!
Which one of these myths surprised you the most? Are there any other questions you have about adoption that we can help to answer? If you would like to learn more about adoption, we would love to chat! Contact us to set up an individual consultation - there is absolutely no cost or obligation to getting started.
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